I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
