I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So many bounce houses so little time
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
