This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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