Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
