1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The best revenge is premature balding
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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