so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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