There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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