Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
