I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one two three fourrrrnication!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
