dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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