We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
