I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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