i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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