Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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