No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
