Yo dont text me then not text me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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