Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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