I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
