My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
