Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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