how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
