He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
