He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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