the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
