your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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