he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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