She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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