So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
