She went from zero to smokin in five shots
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
