idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
