Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
