You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
