THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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