yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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