Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize