I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
