Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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