She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
