my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
