Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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