I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
