I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize