so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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