I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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