It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
