'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
