Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
