were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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