Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
