The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize