I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
