the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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