If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
