I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
