i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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