Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
