Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
