I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
