"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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