grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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