i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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