How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
