Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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