you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize