the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
