hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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