Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
