Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
