lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
