Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
