Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
